"Shelves"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He came over every day for coffee

Which she quite enjoyed

Mostly they sat in the kitchen

and said nothing.

But today he was talkative.

 

"Why don't you take down the trophy shelves?"

he said.

 

He was looking at the pieces of wood

one long

one short

beautiful mahogany shelves

bracketed to the south wall.

On one shelf sat her dusty trophies

Not much, now that she really looked at them.

 

"I can't take down the trophy shelves."

she said.

 

"Why not?" He said.

 

"Because there will be more awards.

I want a place for them...when they come my way.

I can feel it

by next year

when they see what I've accomplished..."

 

He looked at her, and raised his eyebrows.

 

"You're only as good as your next project,"

she continued, "and I can't just put my trophies away in the closet.

I've earned them. And even if no one else can see them,

I deserve to."

 

He sipped his coffee and took a bite of

another Fig Newton, his favourite cookie.

 

"Hmm." he said, "I really think it's time

the wood comes down."

 

He tapped his toe against the stool he was

sitting on.

His tacky shoes were always dropping gravelly bits

of dirt on her floor.

Sometimes she wished he would update his wardrobe.

 

"Well, where would I put all my new awards?"

 

"I wouldn't hold my breath," he said.

 

"Thanks!" 

 

"I'm not trying to be mean. It's just time."

 

She hated it when he declared things like this

Things that were true and she knew were true

 

The shelves

had been something else,

once, long ago, when she was an ugly girl

A scrawny, uncoordinated student

with few friends

no welcome place to eat in the school cafeteria

sitting on the edge of the toilet

Munching her balogne sandwich in the girl's bathroom

By herself.

 

It had come in handy then.

But then things had changed.

She had learned to sing

and she had dismantled the thing

and asked him to build her

shelves.

 

Instead

 

"You're making me feel bad," she said.

 

She left the room in a hurry to have a break down

Dabbed some make-up on her nose 

to hide the red.

 

When she came back, the shelves were already down

How long had she been out of the kitchen?

He had the two pieces of wood layed out on the tile floor.

 

"I always carry a hammer and nails and a screwdriver."

he said laughing.

 

"Of course you do." She was trying not to sniff.

"Wait!"

She recognized the shape of what he was building.

"Not that stupid thing. I won't carry that

around with me ever again."

 

"It's not that bad." he said with a final bang of the hammer.

 

"But it's so cumbersome." 

 

He smoothed his hand along the surface of the wood.

 

"You really expect me to carry it?" She was feeling pale and tired.

 

"It's your choice," he said. 

 

"Everywhere?"

 

"Sure."

 

"Even in the car? How will it fit?"

 

"You've got a sunroof."

 

"Right." 

 

He had placed his in the front hallway as he always did

when he came over.

Now there were two.

One for him

One for her

leaning against the wall.

Side by side.

 

"Let's go for a walk." He nudged her.

"We could really make a splash at the beach."

 

"Outside?...because that's going to be

embarrassing," she said.

 

He shouldered his and helped her shoulder hers.

and she opened the front door.

Why did she always do what he wanted?

She must be crazy to follow him around like this.

Down the street toward the park,

the two of them carried the

wooden crosses.

 

He had had lots of practice carrying his, but she

was surprised at how easily she carried hers.

She was actually very good at this.

Very smooth.

Memory came back but not the bad ones.

 

He walked in a scuff, drag, rhythm

beside her.

 

Cars passed them and the drivers gawked

Some little kids on the swings pointed

and some people looked away.

 

There were others, too, who looked up and smiled.

She had seen these same people

right there in her neighbourhood

but never noticed their crosses

They were just like her.

She wasn't sure if she liked the company

 

They reminded her of her past sufferings

But she liked him a lot,

even better than trophies

Yes, it was true.

she liked being with him,

even

with this darned cross resting on her shoulder

dragging behind her.

 

"It's a lot lighter than I remember,"

she said.

 

"Oh, I put wheels on yours."

he said.

 

And off they went.